I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
