If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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