hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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