made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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