You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
