and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize