Apparently you make a good broom.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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