my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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