i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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