I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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