You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
