ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
