Umm I'm too high to move.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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