Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
