I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
