It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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