I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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