Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
