Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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