Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
