So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
