He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
