I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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