Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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