yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
