yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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