Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
