Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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