It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
