I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
