She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
