Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin