There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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