Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.