omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
