We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
