i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
