Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
