I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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