just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
