I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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