I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
