I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
