It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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