She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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