you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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