I want you more than these girls want KFC
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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