the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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