I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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