The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
