You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Randomize
