how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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