They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
