yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sext me about skeletons
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
