Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Mom said you looked used
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
