what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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