If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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