I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
