Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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