its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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