dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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