Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
