I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
