he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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