The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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