Got a toothbrush?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
