She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
