im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
